The liturgical season of Lent began two weeks ago, on Ash Wednesday. I went to church, received ashes on my forehead to remind me that my life has limits, and began a focused effort to grapple with what holds me back.
I have struggled with different things over the years. One year I gave up a job in which I was stuck. One year I gave up Netflix. One year I even gave up making fun of people from California who thought it was cold.
For me, this Lent is about fear.
Fear is the most significant thing holding me back right now. Fear is the main obstacle that stands between where I am and where I intend to be. My fear creates barriers that limit me, like barbed wire.
I have been having more conversations about fear lately. People who know what I am doing for Lent this year ask me very good questions about how I know when I am afraid and how I deal with fear when it arises.
We are often very good at masking our fear. We do not want anyone else to know that we are afraid; we do not even want to acknowledge it to ourselves. Our fear masquerades as being very rational and analytical, or as crying, or as anger, or as getting bored. We each hide our fear in different ways, and it can be a challenge to recognize it.
It takes time and patience to recognize our fear as fear. It can be helpful to have someone who will listen to us without letting us get away with anything. It can be helpful to spend some time in solitude or silence, listening to ourselves.
Recognizing our fear is the first step.
What makes you most afraid?
What is holding you back?
[Image by jonycunha]
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