My friend Jon Dephouse is a young, vital husband of a young, vital wife and father of two young, vital boys. He has a good sense of humor, and encourages and inspires the people who meet him. Jon loves music, coffee, and running triathlons. He is also a priest at Saint James’ Episcopal Church in South Pasadena, California.
Several months ago, Jon discovered that he has cancer. Jon’s cancer is an extremely rare and agressive sarcoma which is generally found in children. Yes, it is the same cancer for which the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, is being treated.
Jon began a course of treatment a few months ago, and is scheduled to have surgery this month.
When you have not been thinking about cancer during the last couple of months, what have you been reading or watching? What music has meant the most to you?
Honestly, when I first received the diagnosis and went on disability, after the shock of all of this settled into reality a bit more, I expected this time to be a rich time of reflection, reading, etc… given this was going to be a long process, with a bit of extra time on my hands. When I was in chemotherapy in the hospital I had lots of time during the day to read or do whatever, but to be honest, I was more inclined to just find some kind of escape, be it ever so brief.
In other words, I wasn’t into reading anything heavy, or watching dramatic movies, or even being very “devotional” in a spiritual sense. There was no shortage of thinking and reflecting on what I was going through, it was hard not to think about it. So that’s what I needed the most sometimes, to try not to be consumed by all the heaviness. I was most inclined to watch a funny movie, or a suspense thriller, or browse YouTube, keep responding to e-mails, soak in all the prayer and encouragment etc…
I love all kinds of music, and have listened to many and varied artists, but there is one song by Florence and the Machine called “Shake it Out” that became sort of a theme song for Sarah and me. It’s a good song to dance to, and one that anticipates celebration to come. You can listen to it, and probably feel why we were drawn to it during this time.
How has this experience changed the way you relate to God? How do you see it changing the way you are a priest?
This is a good question….I am guessing that in retrospect I may have more language for new ways I see or relate to God.
I will say this… it is easy to imagine God in the ending, in the victory hopefully, having been cured, healed, etc… but what is more challenging, and I sense more important is to relate to God and experience God in the thick of it. Because this is certainly where most of life is lived. It may not be cancer, but we all have trials, and there will be more for me I am sure.
There was a book during advent that someone gave to me, and there was quote that went something like this… Jesus didn’t come to dispel the darkness for us, as though life and faith is about living in the light, immune to the various forms of darkness that we experience… but rather Jesus came to teach us live with integrity and some level of wholeness amidst the ambiguities, tensions, and paradoxes of life as we know it. That was a mouthful I know, but this thought was helpful for me.
I would say that Trust is a significant word for me right now, meaning that I am learning to trust God more deeply even though I don’t see the next steps so clearly. There is a tension for me of wanting to see meaning, purpose, and reason wrapped up in this experience of which I will understand more fully someday, and in the same breath there is this raw human experience of being unfortunately afflicted with a rare disease of which there is not a lot of clear answers. Being a person of faith for me means being fully human, and I don’t pretend to be immune from any bad experience that life throws at me.
What is always baffling in life though is how often good comes out of suffering. This is a gospel pattern I believe in, hope in, and look for as a person of faith. That is, trying to find the treasure hidden in the dark tunnel. All of this experience affects me as a priest. The more I grow and change as a person, then likewise for my role as a priest. People in this community, the church community at Saint James, and far beyond have given us so much during this time. Receiving such generosity is humbling, but we are so grateful. We are truly ministers together.
Jon, what is the one thing that has nothing to do with cancer that you would most like to talk about?
I am really enjoying feeling strong and fit right now, having recovered from chemo and finished radiation. I am loving going on long road bike rides for hours at a time, and also runs and hikes and spin classes. All the rigorous exercise seems out of place, since I am “in treatment,” but I like how this challenges the way people see cancer patients. I can do as much as my body feels comfortable doing, so I listen to that carefully. I have to do what I can while I am strong. Sometimes enduring the days that I am well is more difficult than the days in direct treatment. On days when I don’t have a medical treatment/endeavor to accomplish, pacing the house gets old fast.
I also like talking about my kids a lot. They are really adorable. Seeing Josiah (my one year old) figure out how to talk and ride his scooter is a hilarious and beautiful joy, and Caleb building these elaborate Lego creations. I’m glad to soak up as much of them as possible.
It’s fun to imagine how life will be different from this experience, how it will affect my family and vocation. I recommend a TED talk called “The Best Gift I ever Survived” which I really appreciate: http://www.ted.com/talks/stacey_kramer_the_best_gift_i_ever_survived.html
It speaks for itself, so I won’t say much about it. But you can imagine the gist. Unexpected illness or suffering is a mystery and never something you wish for, but if you believe in redemption and have eyes to look for it, such experiences can become life changing gifts. I am not out of the woods yet, but this is always what I would hope for.
Thank you, Jon.
You can read more about Jon and Sarah’s journey at their blog www.bikingbeforedawn.blogspot.com.
[Image by Grayskullduggery]
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