It can be a challenge for us to forgive each other, and a challenge to know when we are forgiven.
Forgiveness almost always seems to come as a surprise. It is usually the product of long, hard work.
Many of us do not have a clear idea of what forgiveness is, how it works. We are confused by “forgive and forget” and stories of dramatic forgiveness. We believe people need to earn our forgiveness, or at least ask us to forgive them. We believe people are responsible to recognize and acknowledge what they have done.
We believe our ability to forgive says more about other people than it says about us.
We hold ourselves prisoner, requiring people to meet our expectations before we forgive them. We hold our forgiveness hostage, waiting for people to pay us the ransom we demand. The toxic acid of our pain and frustration eat away at us, keeping us from forgiving.
Why is it so difficult for us to forgive other people? Why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves?
Our willingness to forgive other people depends on our ability to forgive ourselves. We have high expectations. We believe we are responsible for what has happened to us. We should be able to control our lives, and do not understand when we cannot. We feel threatened and insecure. We look for people from whom we need to protect ourselves.
It is only as we look ourselves in the eyes we can see who we really are.
As we become acquainted with our true selves, we begin to recognize who we are. We can relate to the person looking back at us.
Who do you most need to forgive today?
When is the last time you were able to forgive yourself?
[Image by katerha]
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