We know we are not supposed to get angry, or at least not show our anger to anyone else. Anger is not nice, not polite, and we are supposed to be nice and polite to other people.
We are taught that when we respect other people, they are more likely to respect us.
People tell us anger is an indicator of fear. When we get angry, we are showing people we are afraid.
We are told that anger does not help us resolve differences or solve our problems.
Our anger is more than an emotion that makes us less polite. Everyone gets angry. We express our anger in various ways.
What Makes You Angry?
When people come to me to work on their spiritual life, I often ask what makes them angry. The response I get most often is something like, “Well I do not really get angry.” Some people tell me, “I am not really angry about anything right now.”
This runs counter to my personal experience. Lots of things make me angry. I drive in Los Angeles, on freeways. When I wait in line. I need to call customer support services. People try to project their expectations on me. People ask me what I think, but do not listen to what I say. Some days it feels like almost everything, and everyone, makes me angry.
The people and situations triggering our anger are significant. They give us clues which allow us to reflect on why we respond in anger.
That’s Not Fair!
For a long time, unfairness triggered most of my anger. I have a strongly connection to justice and fairness. Situations I perceive as unfair can feel like a personal insult.
For some people, it is an identification with the underdog. For others, it is when something does not work the way it is supposed to work. Each of us has a pet peeve, a quirk, a personal trigger.
Are We Living in Angry Times?
Many people feel anger is more prevalent now than it has been in the past. Anger and frustration seem to be closer to the surface of our lives. Public discourse sounds less polite than it has been in the past. Brashness appears to have become more a style choice than a emotion. Anger is more prevalent, more evident, more obvious.
It is as if we are in a period of history when long term fears and frustrations are being vented. People demand immediate results and are not willing to wait any longer for progress.
Healthy Anger Strategies
Some people think anger is only appropriate when you hold it in, keeping it under control. I believe there are steps we can take to be ready for when we get angry.
Gaining understanding is key to my own healthy anger strategies. Reflection on what makes me angry and why helps me understand.
Which spiritual practices help you deal with anger in healthy ways?
How does your anger affect spiritual life in you?
[Image by Tobyotter]
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